[ at some inconvenient hour of the afternoon, hope will be greeted by the sounds of things slamming in the kitchen...
... and then the sound of a plate being thrown to the ground, futuristic china shattering, followed by caroline's own voice groaning in agony. somebody's having a moment. ]
[It's as if she's been transported home and Lizzie is in the kitchen having a meltdown...
Hope enters the room just as the plate shatters onto the ground, a few particles of debris flying into her shoes while she stands there with blinking eyes.]
[ for a long moment, caroline simply stares at her, looking much like a deer in headlights. she stands with another plate clutched in pale hands, the telltale smear of eyeliner and mascara on her cheeks from tears that have already fallen, unsure of what to say, unable to say anything at all.
what can she say, that doesn't come out a mess? how can she explain the conflicting emotions she feels — sorrow, rage, guilt, self-loathing? that this is tragic and terrible and unfair, but that it's somehow also her own fault? that her own self-sacrifice in zerzura only set her up to gain and lose all over again, yet another person to walk away, another loss to wear emblazoned on her heart?
she doesn't know how to say it, so she just throws another plate. ]
[ it's a pathetic, aching sound — and caroline hates it. hates how she's let herself find purpose and validation in someone else, again, only to be let down. hates how this place lets her find her footing only to yank it out from underneath her. hates how much it hurts, to be abandoned and left behind, and how much she can't just fix it by unleashing hell on anyone who gets between her and finding him again.
how do you find someone who's been taken off the map? ]
[It happened again, didn't it? The girls who always get left behind still here and the people they give a damn about leaving. If this were a kidnapping, like with her friend, she'd be out looking, not here smashing plates on the floor.
Hope's breath leaves her lungs in a whoosh, but any feelings that it drags up are quickly squashed. They aren't important anymore.
She moves forward after only a slight hesitation, reaching out to pull Caroline into a tight hug.]
[ sorry is good. hugs are better. they ground her, help to steady the wild course of caroline's heightened emotions; in clinging to hope in a hug that would probably crush the windpipe of a baseline human, caroline doesn't feel the need to smash a plate or scream. she just sniffles, the fabric of hope's shirt sopping up tears still leaking out, and holds on for a while. ]
I really liked him.
[ she's whining. she knows. but the emotions are too raw for her to be grown-up and level-headed and reasonable about this. she's in the middle of a temper tantrum. she's gonna need a minute. ]
He just told me he loved me and everything and now he's... gone...
[It's tight, sure, but Hope grew up with tight hugs. When Caroline hugs her back, she just squeezes even harder, holding her breath, as if that would make time stop and make everything else go away for a minute.
It doesn't work, of course, and she can hear her friend crying into her shirt.]
I know.
[She visibly winces as she continues, though. That sounds like Hope's literal worst nightmare, the exact reason why she doesn't let people get close. She doesn't know what to say, knows perfectly well that there's nothing she can say that will make it better. It just...sucks.
So she just holds on for as long as Caroline wants.]
[ it's not about words. 'sorry' or 'it'll get better' or 'cheer up' doesn't make anything less painful. it doesn't bring marcos back or make caroline care any less. so, in a way, hope's silence is better. just a hug and the space to cry and sniffle and feel miserable for a while, until the wetness on her cheeks dries and the stiff lump in her throat ebbs away. ]
Can we just... stay in tonight? Drink something really strong and eat a bunch of ice cream?
[ maybe not in that order, though. maybe ice cream first, booze second, terrible movies all the way through. ]
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tribridfreakshow) wrote2019-06-07 08:32 pm
action??? a few days ago???
... and then the sound of a plate being thrown to the ground, futuristic china shattering, followed by caroline's own voice groaning in agony. somebody's having a moment. ]
no subject
Hope enters the room just as the plate shatters onto the ground, a few particles of debris flying into her shoes while she stands there with blinking eyes.]
What happened?
[Obviously something did.]
no subject
what can she say, that doesn't come out a mess? how can she explain the conflicting emotions she feels — sorrow, rage, guilt, self-loathing? that this is tragic and terrible and unfair, but that it's somehow also her own fault? that her own self-sacrifice in zerzura only set her up to gain and lose all over again, yet another person to walk away, another loss to wear emblazoned on her heart?
she doesn't know how to say it, so she just throws another plate. ]
I hate this place.
no subject
Yeah, me too.
[Hope hated home a lot too, at times though, so that doesn't say much.]
That doesn't answer my question, though.
no subject
[ it's a pathetic, aching sound — and caroline hates it. hates how she's let herself find purpose and validation in someone else, again, only to be let down. hates how this place lets her find her footing only to yank it out from underneath her. hates how much it hurts, to be abandoned and left behind, and how much she can't just fix it by unleashing hell on anyone who gets between her and finding him again.
how do you find someone who's been taken off the map? ]
no subject
Hope's breath leaves her lungs in a whoosh, but any feelings that it drags up are quickly squashed. They aren't important anymore.
She moves forward after only a slight hesitation, reaching out to pull Caroline into a tight hug.]
...I'm sorry.
no subject
I really liked him.
[ she's whining. she knows. but the emotions are too raw for her to be grown-up and level-headed and reasonable about this. she's in the middle of a temper tantrum. she's gonna need a minute. ]
He just told me he loved me and everything and now he's... gone...
no subject
It doesn't work, of course, and she can hear her friend crying into her shirt.]
I know.
[She visibly winces as she continues, though. That sounds like Hope's literal worst nightmare, the exact reason why she doesn't let people get close. She doesn't know what to say, knows perfectly well that there's nothing she can say that will make it better. It just...sucks.
So she just holds on for as long as Caroline wants.]
no subject
Can we just... stay in tonight? Drink something really strong and eat a bunch of ice cream?
[ maybe not in that order, though. maybe ice cream first, booze second, terrible movies all the way through. ]